it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
