Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
