i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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