K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
