Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
