that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
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Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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