...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
