FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
