i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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