Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
