You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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