You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
