so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
