I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
