My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
