i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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