turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
