Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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