The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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