He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
