We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just cropdusted the office
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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