believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
