you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
