she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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