Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
