he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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