I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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