It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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