there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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