I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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