I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
