It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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