I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
