just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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