masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
