So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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