go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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