Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
