In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
