I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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