Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
