Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
