I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
