I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
