Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
