my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
