I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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