Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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