The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
