And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
