sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
