This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize