Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
