we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
