Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
