I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
