I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
