She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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